she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Dicks are not precious.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize