how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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