shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
