you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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