you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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