Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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