If i come over, it means nothing
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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