we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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