I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
