some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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