He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
