So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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