My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
