to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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