well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
you had me at cake vodka
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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