hotel room ftw
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You were trust falling into bushes
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
