My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Randomize
