you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Too much gin, very little bucket
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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