under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
