i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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