You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize