you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize