i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
