did you get engaged???
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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