I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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