When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Randomize
