My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
