My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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