not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
My underwear smells like fireworks.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
