my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
