Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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