i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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