I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
