dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
