His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
