Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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