hotel room ftw
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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