I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
