I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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