Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
