I am spending my child support on dildos
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Houston, we have a squirter
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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