went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
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