Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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