new low.... made out with someone while peeing
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
