I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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