No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
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