I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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