At least make sure they are 18
Why
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Randomize
