i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
