what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
