It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
