I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
