One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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