3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize