he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
