You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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