i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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