You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
