Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
