in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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