Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
