Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just want nice things and good sex
don't judge my taste in strippers
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
