The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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