just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
im six kinds of drunk right now
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize