I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
