i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
