a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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