i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
