I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
