Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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