I wish I could punch you in the face.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
