So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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