Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
