haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
