i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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