420 ftw
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
