I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
