wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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