Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
