oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize