he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I AM VODKA MAN
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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