Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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