I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Randomize
