trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
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