She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
